Numb
by P.Lynne
Summary: fighting with depression one half of Klaine copes almost dramatically. Character Death. AU


**forgive the terrible writing. its just so late. and im so tired. but i had an idea i wanted to get out there... so year**

**AU. Character death. Bittersweet ending.**

**fun.**

The shards of glass fell to the ground. Blood accompanied a few. A young boy looked into what was left of the mirror. What he saw was only fitting. Something broken and destroyed. Something that couldn't be repaired, and if it could, it would not come easily. The boy sat there, in an empty room, within an empty house for what seemed like hours, getting lost in his broken reflection. He looked down and saw the blood he lost. He thought about how it would stain the tile, and how his father would be mad, but he didn't care. He kept still. He heard the door open and a familiar voice call out his name. He didn't move. He heard footsteps move to the bathroom and a knock on the door.

"Are you in there sweetie?"

He looked into his reflection and smiled.

All went black.

The boy woke up hours later in a bright white room that seemed empty, with the exception on him and his cot. The smell of the place burned his nostrils and the reflection of the fluorescent lights on all the white blinded him.

As he shielded his eyes from the light he felt pressure on his torso and heard the words "thank God you're awake" come from somewhere. It was the same familiar voice.

His vision finally cleared and saw a boy, not much older than he was, holding him around his waist. The boy wouldn't let go. It was as if the other thought he would float away. He put his hand on the other boys head and started mindlessly petting it.

"Why would you do this? You're so stupid!" The other boy looked up. His face tear stained.

Ice blue eyes met hazel and the world was gone, again.

This boys eyes were like the mirror except they were still, physically, in one piece but looking deeper there was pain. The pain this event just caused. Something broke and could not be repaired.

"I'm sorry, Kurt" Blaine said

Kurt pulled himself up and sat on the hospital bed. After a decent amount of time passed, All Kurt could say was "Why?" and Blaine didn't have an answer

Blaine was kept at the hospital for observation for 2 months. Every chance Kurt had, he would visit. Talk about life, school, plans, anything for Blaine to cling onto the fact that there still was a real world.

2 months of nothing and he was finally let out. Kurt picked him up and to Blaine's surprise, Kurt made no mention of the event that landed Blaine in the hospital.

Life continued as normal for Blaine. School, Warblers, Kurt, and repeat. This was the cycle he was so used to. Kurt was great, but that was the only thing that seemed worth while anymore. His passion for performing died, along with any drive for school. His parents were never around and no one really cared. 'Kurt would' he thought, but realized how silly it would be to confide in Kurt.

Kurt came here, to Dalton, to escape pain. So why give him another thing to worry about? Kurt has already been hurt enough by hatred, so why hurt him more? And that was that. Blaine wouldn't tell him what was wrong. Blaine wouldn't confide in anyone what was really the matter. Not his therapist, not the Warblers, not Kurt. No one could help him.

The hospital did nothing. The emotions were the same. He was still a zombie.

It was a Saturday and after an argument with his father, Kurt was able to have Blaine sleep over. Kurt was bustling around the house to try to accommodate Blaine. He made the sofa up like it was a bed and everything. Finally, after dinner and dessert (both made by Kurt) they sat down and were watching "The Sound of Music." Kurt muted the television and leaned into Blaine. Blaine mindlessly put his arm around the boy and didn't even notice the television was muted.

"Blaine, can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah"

"No I mean, like, really okay?"

Blaine didn't answer. He couldn't. He didn't want his best friend and, apparently new cuddle buddy, to worry about him.

"Blaine?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm positive!"

The volume was turned up again, and soon afterwards the two went to bed/

Blaine didn't fall asleep. He had trouble with that nowadays. He just sat and watched television all night. When the sun started to rise he went to Kurt's room and, not much to his surprise, Kurt was awake getting ready.

"Hey, sweetie!" Kurt said with a smile "I'm surprised you're up! You're not much of a morning person. I have to go get my hair done, so go back to bed, and I'll be back soon." after realizing Blaine wasn't moving, Kurt took his hand and brought him to his bed. "you can sleep here. Its more comfortable. See you soon" and with a tight hug he was gone.

Blaine put his head down on the pillow of Kurt's bed. Has was still for a while and then figured he should find some way to sleep and rolled to his side. His hand went under the pillow to cradle his head when his hand hit something hard. He grabbed onto it and pulled it out. It was a book. An older looking one and Blaine opened it. The first page would have brought tears to his eyes, but it seemed impossible for him to cry. In a beautiful hand the message was written "_Kurt, I bought this when I was young, in hopes of filling it with my hopes and dreams. The only thing I managed to do was write 2 letters to you when you were still inside of me. I give this to you in hope that one day, you can do what I haven't and fill this book with your hopes and dreams. Love You Forever, Mom"_

Blaine just stared, letting the words sink in to hopefully find meaning behind them. The only one that meant anything was ""Love." Love was a vision Blaine had a long time ago. But it disappeared. Forgotten birthdays, holidays alone, empty reserved seats are performances. He couldn't receive the basic love of a parent, so how could he be loved by someone who wasn't supposed to love him?

He flipped through the pages and each one started with "Dear Mom." Blaine read through a few and once or twice got teary eyed. Knowing the only boy who made him feel anything was still so attached to his mother. Finally he hit the last entry. It was dated to today but this one started off differently. "Dear God" Blaine read this in sheer curiosity. He knew Kurt didn't believe in God, so the reason he wrote a letter to him was shocking and intriguing.

_Dear God,_

_I know I don't believe in you, but right now I have no one else. I could ask Mom, but what say does she have in the way of the world? I ask you for one thing, and one thing only: proof of your existence. Don't show up to me on a grilled cheese, don't make the Madonna appear in my mirror, instead show me love. Show me your love can heal. If I choose to believe in you, you love me. That's the way in goes. You're no creature of hate, but one of love, so you would understand my plea of love. Please make Blaine better. He's hurting I can see that. Please make him smile again, sing again. I'm not asking for him to be in love with me back. The only thing I want is for him to be happy. That's what being in love is. Wanting nothing but happiness for the other person. And that's all I want. I want him to be happy. Now's your chance. _

_~Kurt_

Blaine re-read this several times, but the word that kept sticking out was "love." Could Kurt really be in love with him? Doubtful. So Blaine scribbled something down in Kurt's book, got out of bed and quickly wrote a note to Kurt "_Sorry. Emergency. Had to go."_

A week past and he heard a familiar voice. Except it was sad and rather inaudible. The porcelain face of Kurt Hummel showed little change. It was red and spotty, as per usual if you've been crying. His black Dior suit was on elegant and flattered him amazingly. Blaine wanted to hug him, but instead, stood back and kept his distance. Kurt's step-brother, he saw was holding Kurt's hand, which was weird because of Kurt's past feelings about Finn, but Blaine let it slide. The line at the side of the room was pretty much finished when Kurt walked over and hugged a woman, who looked absolutely stunning in a red dress. Kurt walked right passed Blaine and Blaine could have sworn he saw Kurt look at him, but said nothing.

Blaine followed Kurt through the line, seeing familiar faces and hearing familiar voices. He followed Kurt until he got to the end and Kurt kneeled in front of a beautiful mahogany box with a young boy of 17 inside. His hair gelled to a perfect curl, and heavy eye lids covering the hazel eyes that once shone with so much light. Kurt lost all control and couldn't stand, Blaine just stood there sadly, knowing that if he could help, he would. Mercedes and Finn helped him up to a chair.

In a way death was beautiful, Blaine felt feelings. Everything he once felt was new to him again. He may not be able to experience it with others, but it was still felt. He smiled softly and walked closer to Kurt.

"I hope this wont be the last time I can see you" Blaine whispered

At the conclusion of the ceremony Blaine faded. Where ever he went he was greeted by beautiful ice blue eyes that he knew he saw before. A smile and a "thank you."

Kurt sped through the house into his room, thought running wild. Sadness mostly, but yes there was anger there too. He sat down on his bed and cried. He cried for a while. He cursed the god he never believed in, he cursed Blaine for taking the pills, he cursed himself for not trying harder. All he could say after everything was a little boy's plea. A small voice inside of him spoke up "I want my mommy." so he grabbed his book. He threw it down on his bed and grabbed a pen to write. He came back to it opened on the last page with a messy letter written

_Kurt- _

_I don't want you to see this till after I go, so I'm going to write this on the last page. Don't blame yourself Kurt. It's not your fault. It's mine. I couldn't fix myself. But that's the way things go sadly. Don't think for a minute you are never good enough for anyone. I preached to you courage, but at the same time had none myself. If I could be as strong as you Kurt I would have been a much better person. You are beautiful and have a future a head of you. A Beautiful one. I wish I could have had the courage to tell you this in real life, but "I love you too." I read your last entry, and I do love you, I just can't love myself. So Kurt, do me a favor, and consider this my will, take the love you gave me and give it to yourself. You deserve it so much. And when you find someone who is worthy of you, give it to them, and then some. You mean so much to so many people so be the best you can be. Goodbye for now Kurt. Remember, it's only for now._

"_I Love You"_

_Blaine_

_Kurt sat there, dampening the page with tears. He read it over and over again for 2 hours and finally when the crying exhausted him he turned off the light and held the book close to him, as if the book was Blaine himself. Kurt kept thinking about the last written words of his best friend. "I Love You."_

_As Kurt relaxed he looked up to the sky and smiled. He didn't know exactly why, but he did smile. And with a sigh he said "I love you too" and fell asleep_


End file.
